Today it happened

Was it really a vision or just my imagination? The intense love, warmth I felt in my heart as I lay there after the stretches and Pranayams?

I thought of that hill again, but not as a treacherous shock of sharp rocks, knee twisting rocks… I saw myself on top of the hill, singing, happy, overjoyed at the achievement.

Then just one thought – to sing like that each day - to love my inner spirit for not being afraid of the hill.

A surge of warmth spread through me. Not a balm to soothe the pain - just purity, allowing me to love myself again.

I have no guilt anymore, no regret, no pain. I will walk up that hill again with Anju just as I had wanted to on that day. To leap from rock to rock with her, to sing again.

Leuna had come to me in that gust of wind as I struggled with the song. She was there to tell me all would be fine.

I am not afraid anymore because He is with me.

This too shall pass, become a lingering happy memory, a memory for which I would hurt my knee all over again - if that’s the cost of blessings, so be it.

The veil lifted as the warmth hit – a transparent curtain of judgment that left only this intense peacefulness behind. I sang in the bathroom, hopping from side to side, just like that day on the hill. Felt just right.

Why do we need to suffer to see this love? Is it because recognition starts with pain? Is the ego so strong that it needs to be beaten down first for the inner peace to emerge?